


Back to the Present

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas spends too much time with the Winchesters, Cassie and Castiel being in the same fic must be confusing to write, Episode based (5.13), It's just because this was written from Sam's POV, Light on actual Destiel but I promise it's implied and will be in any followups, M/M, Mentions of Anna; Jess; and Cassie, Multi, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 16:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2235837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Visiting 1978 gave Sam a lot to think about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to the Present

When they got back from 1978, the first thing on Sam’s mind was, naturally, Dean. Dean returned only a minute or two later, and the brothers stared at each other for a minute. “You good?” Dean said, gesturing to where Anna had run Sam through with a steel bar.

“Yeah,” Sam said, trying not to let the disappointment show. Usually when one of them died, they got a hug out of it upon returning. “Michael even fixed my shirts. What about you? I’m sure he had some fun things to say.”

“Oh, yeah,” Dean said. “Honestly he sounded a lot like me, years ago, before I figured out what was really important. Apparently God told Michael he either had to save Lucifer or kill him, and now Michael’s decided that being a good son is more important than looking after his brother.” He shook his head. “Dick. Oh, and Mom and Dad didn’t remember a thing about either of the times I met them, because Michael wiped their memories.”

Sam shrugged, hiding the flinch as Dean’s words reminded him of the last time Dean had mentioned John’s dying words. “To be fair, I think even you would kill me if I were, you know, the king of Hell. And trying to take over Earth. Even at the worst of it, with Ruby, I didn’t know.”

Dean chuckled. “Nope. Hey, you hungry? One of us should stay here to keep an eye out for Cas, but I’m hungry. Could use a drink, too.”

“Want me to go? And yes, I will come home with a bacon cheeseburger and a good bottle of whiskey.” Dean was the one Cas would be looking for when he got back, after all.

“Uh, sure,” Dean said, tossing Sam the keys. “And Sammy…”

“I know, there will be pie,” Sam promised with a half-hearted smile.

 

Thank god for fast food and small towns, Sam thought twenty minutes later as he pulled into the parking spot outside their room. Dean took the whiskey from him, leaving Sam to sort out the food as he poured shots.

Cas showed up much like usual, with absolutely no warning. If he’d been able to realize, he probably would have enjoyed the fact that the brothers had their backs to each other so he was able to appear directly behind them both. Sam had the mirror, though, so he was the first to notice Cas was back. “Castiel?” He dropped the burger and grabbed Cas, supporting him with a hand to the chest, meaningless words of support spilling out as he tried to hold up a half-dead angel. “We got you.”

“Cas!” Dean shouted, turning to help Sam. “You son of a bitch, you made it!”

Sam had never quite gotten over the gravel in Cas’s voice, but it sounded like Heaven when Cas stared at his hand. “I… I did? I’m very surprised.” He looked up at Dean, then turned to Sam, and Sam wasn’t quite sure what to make of the fierce look in Cas’s eyes as Cas actually smiled at him before he collapsed.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Sam said, once again getting his weight under Cas. It was easier with Dean’s help, and they got him to the bed nearest them. For such a small – relatively anyway – man, Cas was surprisingly heavy.

Dean stared at Cas for a second before looking up at Sam. “Well, I could use that drink now.”

Sam couldn’t blame him. “Yeah.” He watched Cas, a worried look on his face, as Dean poured the shots.

“Well, this is it,” Dean said once both glasses were full.

“This is what?” It sounded somewhat ominous.

Dean raised his glass, tipping it to Sam before taking a sip. “Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie.” Sam stared at the ground. “One dropout with six bucks to his name, and Mr. Comatose over there. It’s awesome.”

“It’s not funny,” Sam said as he looked back to Cas.

“Yeah, I’m not laughing.” Dean sounded fairly broken, a tone that Sam hadn’t heard in a while.

He took a deep breath. “They all say we’ll say yes,” he said, feeling almost as despondent as Dean sounded.

Dean looked up at him sharply. “I know. It’s getting annoying.”

“What if they’re right?” Sam asked quietly.

Dean hesitated before taking another sip. “They’re not.”

“I mean, why, why would we, either of us? But… I’ve been weak before.” It wasn’t quite fair, as near as he could tell there was absolutely no trick going on here, but he was worried.

“Sam.” Dean turned to him.

“Michael got Dad to say yes,” Sam pointed out.

Dean shook his head. “That was different. Anna was about to kill Mom.”

Exactly Sam’s point. If Dean’s life were threatened and Sam could save it by saying yes to Lucifer, he wasn’t so sure he’d hold out. “And if you could save Mom…” he said, letting the thought hang there. “What would you say?” Dean didn’t answer, but that was okay. Sam didn’t really want one. Dean went to get his food, picking at it for a bit before tossing the burger to the table. Sam didn’t even bother opening his, instead putting it in the mini-refrigerator. Instead, they both had another drink. “I need some air, need to try to think about all this,” Sam said finally. “Get some sleep, Dean.”

“Sleep. Yeah, right,” Dean said as he put his glass down, but he did stretch out on the empty bed. “Don’t go too far, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m not planning on leaving the parking lot,” Sam agreed. “You’ll be able to see me from the door. Taking the iPod, though.”

“Course you are.” Dean yawned and adjusted the pillow under his head. “Don’t think too hard, can’t have you melting anything on us.”

Sam just shook his head as he headed out to the Impala. He sat on the hood, leaning back against the windshield, like so many nights before. Although usually, Dean was at his side then. He looked up to the stars, putting in one earbud so that he could listen to the music without sacrificing his awareness of his surroundings. It wasn’t exactly the safest place to let go.

So it took him by surprise when he felt the Impala shift after a couple of hours. He hadn’t heard anyone approach, and there was just a touch of amusement in the relief he felt as he recognized his new companion. “Cas? Good to see you awake.” He pulled out the earbud. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” Cas said. Sam smiled. “Coming back was easier, but still draining. I was able to tap into Heaven while I was there, but I didn’t want to risk too much.” He arranged himself the way Sam was, leaning against the windshield.

Sam turned his head, wondering how this could feel both right and weird. “How do you recover, anyway? Anything Dean or I can do to help?”

Cas shook his head. “I don’t know. Sleep helps, apparently. I’m considering trying to eat something. Maybe… feeding my body instead of using my own energy to keep it running? I see no harm in trying, although I am uncertain it will help.”

Sam’s brow furrowed. “If sleep helps, why aren’t you still in there asleep? No offense, but you look like crap right now.”

“I woke up.” From Cas, that was about as good an explanation as Sam could hope for, really. “I considered going back, but I wanted to check on you. Your life was threatened by someone you considered a friend. If it weren’t for Michael…”

Sam raised an eyebrow, but it was actually kind of touching. “Yeah, I hope you understand that I don’t think Dean owes Michael for saving my life. If it weren’t for this stupid apocalypse of his, we wouldn’t have been there anyway.”

“I hope Dean sees it the way you do.” Cas turned his head. “I’m sorry about Anna. I know you and Dean considered her a trusted friend, of which you are in short supply.”

“Yeah, that one hurt,” Sam said. “But… Cas… if she could do it, if she could have…”

“She could not.” Cas sounded a lot more sure than he had earlier. “It may have delayed the apocalypse while Lucifer searched for enough of your molecules to bring you back, but Lucifer is nothing if not stubborn. Meanwhile, those of us trying to fight back would be missing one of our few members. One of our best.”

Sam felt like he was suddenly twenty pounds lighter. He didn’t realize just how much this had affected him. “Thanks, Cas. But I’m the weak link here. I’m the one who’s already let them manipulate me into doing what they wanted once.”

Cas shook his head. “I did… terrible things… after they ripped me out of Jimmy. Beginning with taking his child as a host, however temporarily. I betrayed Anna to Heaven, and they threw her in prison. Her attempt on your life is my fault.”

Sam actually laughed softly at that. “You’ve been hanging around with me and Dean too long. Sure, dick move betraying Anna, but she decided all on her own to kill me. Her captors want this apocalypse, remember? She may have come to this conclusion outside of Heaven’s prison, too, and then we wouldn’t have had any reason not to walk right into her trap. I know we said you were being paranoid, but you saved my life.”

Cas blinked. Apparently, he hadn’t thought of it that way. “I suppose that is one way of looking at it. Still, it was a mistake. As was releasing you from Bobby’s cage as your brother tried to save you from… everything.”

“That was you?” Sam asked, thinking back. “I figured it had to be the angels, and I guess I shouldn’t be surprised they made you do it. You were punished for getting too close to Dean, so they made you betray him.”

“And you, as well,” Cas said. “Though you seem to have forgiven me rather quickly.”

“Yeah, well, if you’d picked then to stage your rebellion, they’d just have sent someone else to spring me,” Sam said reasonably. “And you wouldn’t have been able to get Dean away from Zachariah. Which I think we can both agree is a lot more important.”

Cas shook his head. “Perhaps. And if that had been my reasoning, waiting for a moment where my rebellion would make a difference, then perhaps I could forgive myself. But at the time, all I was thinking was that you were not worth rebelling for.”

“And this is supposed to be news to me?” Sam said with an amused huff. “Dean, yes. And it almost worked.”

At that, Castiel sat up straight, staring at Sam in what could only be shock. “Sam Winchester. Do you truly believe I care nothing for you?”

Sam was thrown by the question, although he figured the phrasing was just Castiel’s odd way of putting things. “Well, I mean, I’m Dean’s brother and he has a tendency to freak out when I’m in danger or gone, so… yeah, you give a shit about me. But…”

“When I was first created, I was given to Anna. As part of her garrison. She taught me everything I knew. Last year, when I first began moving beyond merely having doubts to actively questioning orders, Anna encouraged me. Anna tried to help me find my free will, to make me more than what I was. She saved my life when Uriel tried to convert me to Lucifer’s side. And then, I betrayed her. I gave her to Heaven to protect myself. But when she told me what she had planned, I didn’t hesitate. I tried to reason with her, but in the end, I had a choice. And I chose you.” Cas’s eyes were practically burning out of his face as he held Sam’s gaze. “I didn’t do it for Dean. I tracked Anna, I took the two of you to 1978, for you. It’s not quite a rebellion against everything I used to be, but that wasn’t necessary.”

By the end of that, Sam was sitting up straight too, and as soon as Cas gave him an opening he leaned forward and hugged the angel. It took Cas a bit to figure out what was going on, but soon his arms came up to hug back. They held on, a bit too long perhaps, but Sam wasn’t sorry. “Thanks, Cas,” Sam said as he pulled back. “Forgive yourself for letting me out, okay? I’m not worth a pointless rebellion.”

“Sam.” Sam looked back at Cas, who looked a little afraid. “What just happened?”

Leave it to Cas to be scared of a hug, huh? “I learned that I’d completely misread you, that you really are my friend. So I hugged you. If you wanna be like Dean and save it for when one or both of us is about to die or just back from the dead, I’ll deal.” Why were all of his friends like this? He suddenly had a flare of missing Ellen and Jo.

“No,” Cas decided. “You can hug me whenever you like. It just seemed like there was more to it.”

“Oh.” Sam gave Cas a half-smile. “I died, or very nearly, in 1978. I remember Anna running me through with that steel bar, and I heard Dean trying to get to me, and then Michael showed up wearing Dad. And then I was back here. Dean, not too long after.”

“And he failed to hug you,” Cas guessed.

Sam nodded. “Guess that’s why I held on to you just a little longer than I should’ve. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t put Dean’s issues on you to fix.”

“It’s all right,” Cas said. “I would rather fix Dean’s mistake than be yours.”

“Be… oh, no, Cas.” Sam could feel himself blushing. “Not that it sounds like a bad idea, it would actually be pretty awesome, if it weren’t for Dean.” And he regretted saying that, Dean’s feelings weren’t his to tell Cas about.

Well, Cas seemed to know anyway. “Exactly. Dean is too…”

“Standing right here,” Dean said, and Sam nearly jumped off the car. Dean sounded and looked pissed. Well, depending on how much he’d heard…

“How long have you been there?” Sam asked, trying not to sound like he’d been caught doing anything wrong. Because, really, he hadn’t. If Dean wanted some kind of exclusive claim on Castiel, he should man up and do something about it. Besides it hadn’t happened and wouldn’t.

“Not long enough,” Dean said. “All I heard was Cas about to insult me, and I have no idea what that’s about.”

“Being important to Sam is an insult now?” Cas said, thrown once again into confusion. “I meant it the opposite way.”

Sam reached out and smacked his brother’s shoulder. “You don’t know what he’s responding to. There’s no way you could know if you were going to be insulted. Jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean looked between the two. “May not have heard much, but I’m not blind or an idiot, I know what just happened.”

Castiel stood up, getting in Dean’s face. Whatever he saw there made him take a step back and look hesitantly at Sam, and then give Sam the same searching look. “You don’t know. You don’t realize. Tell me this is yet another Winchester guilt thing, that the two of you are not that clueless.”

Sam blinked. “What the hell are you talking about?” Cas just stared at him, looking completely blank. Sam looked over to Dean, who looked just as confused as Sam felt. “Come on, Cas, at least give us a hint?”

“There was one thing Lucifer loved more than God. And the hardest thing Michael ever had to do was to cast Lucifer from his side and into the pit.” With that, and a soft flutter of wings, Castiel disappeared.

“So we don’t know everything about the angels that want to hijack our bodies,” Dean said. “I’m going to kick your angel’s ass next time I see him, because what the fuck does that have to do with anything.”

“He’s not my angel.” Sam’s brain was racing. “Lucifer loved Michael. And Michael loved Lucifer.”

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said. “They were brothers. Michael said he practically raised Lucifer. Still does love him, doesn’t want to kill him but is a good son so will follow Dad’s orders.”

“Lucifer didn’t say that he still loves Michael, but trust me, you don’t get that resentful over a brother not thinking for himself if you don’t love him,” Sam said. “Seems like Michael and Lucifer are still trapped in their version of Stanford.”

“Wonderful. Can we stop talking about the dicks who want to wear us to the prom?” Dean griped, turning away from Sam.

Sam put his hands on his knees, leaning forward, so that they wouldn’t shake. “I don’t think Cas was talking about them, Dean. He was talking about us.”

For a second, Sam watched as hope, shock, and something else that went too quickly for Sam to identify warred for control of Dean’s face. Then anger and denial showed up and took control. “Okay, wait a minute. Are you saying that Cas – a fucking angel – thinks we’re in love with each other? And he’s pissed at us for… what, not breaking several of his dad’s rules, not to mention human law? Because I gotta say, he’s clearly lost his mind.”

“Yeah, because we care so much about human law and God’s fucking rules,” Sam snarked. “Only thing holding me back for years was the fact that you’d be like this about it. Then Cas came along, and Ruby may have clued me in to drive the wedge deeper… but man, she wasn’t wrong.”

Dean stared at Sam, and Sam watched as he tried to figure out just what Sam had admitted to. Sam was hoping mentioning Cas would distract him from the part he hadn’t ever meant to say out loud. “Years?” Dean said. “How many?”

Sam sighed. Trust his brother to focus on the most ridiculous things. Well, maybe if Dean knew that Sam had been able to ignore this before, it might actually work to his advantage. “Well, I have no idea how long stage one lasted, because that was the part where I didn’t know what I felt and what I wanted. Then the summer before high school, I don’t know why that time was different from any other time, but we were at Bobby’s and I came out to get you for supper, and you were covered in grease and sweat and sunshine, and things just… fell into place. I spent the next four years freaking out and swinging between trying to push you away and trying to drag you down with me. Then, well… Stanford helped, because I didn’t have to see you, and Jess was there. But I forgot all about Jess when you broke in and pinned me to my own floor. So… the not freaking out? About four and a half, I guess. Three and a half, this last year was Cas’s.”

Dean stared at Sam like he’d never seen him before. “Okay, maybe Cas hasn’t lost his mind. Why didn’t you…” Dean stopped and smirked. “Never mind, I know that answer. Sammy, there’s a reason I’ve never had a relationship last more than six weeks. And Cassie was right after you told me to never call you again.” He took a step forward.

“Why didn’t I what?” Sam asked.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything,” Dean said, making it not a question. “Same reason I never did. Because even if you didn’t freak out about the gay part, or the part where I’m your brother, and beat the crap out of me before running, I didn’t think there was a snowball’s chance you could feel the same way. That you were just as fucked up as I was. And even if you were, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know that, I wanted to believe you could have something better. God knows you deserve it.” Dean shook his head. “And now that you do have a chance, I come storming out and fuck it up for you. God, Sam. I’m a dick.” He turned away, running a hand over his face.

“Dean.” Sam stood up and grabbed Dean’s arm. “You jerk. You fucking know that I’ve always thought Cas puts up with me because of you.”

“Yeah, well, I kind of figure killing Anna fixed that,” Dean pointed out. “I saw the way you two were holding each other out here.”

Sam shook his head. “You stupid son of a bitch. I was dead, or good enough as, earlier tonight. Have I really died so often that it’s not worth a hug from you anymore? So, yeah, I held on a little longer than I should have with Cas. Which promptly freaked him out, and what you heard was us agreeing that anything between us wasn’t going to happen, because…” Sam cut off with a huff. “Because both of us know that you are in love with the other, and I don’t know what Cas feels for you, but I love you enough to want you to be happy. So even if I fucked over whatever chance I had with you, last year, I am not going to get with Cas.”

“Right.” Dean pulled out his phone and hit speed dial. “Cas, I need an honest answer here, and fuck whatever you think you should say. Don’t lie to me on this one. Do you love Sammy?” Sam blinked as Dean waited for an answer. “Quit bullshitting me. You know damn well what I mean.” Another pause, this one stretched out. “Get your feathery ass back here, now.” He snorted. “Like I could if I even wanted to.” He waited. “I’m not hanging up till you’re here.”

A rustle of wings, and Cas was back. He still looked like crap, and had chosen to appear behind Sam. “What the hell were you thinking, taking off like that when you’re in no condition to defend yourself?” Dean said, moving around Sam to grab Cas by the shoulders. “Sam and I have been holding out on each other for at least twelve years now, it could have waited a little while longer while we looked after you. Now come on, you need to get inside and back to sleep. You wanna share with me or Sam?” He flicked his eyes over to Sam, and Sam suddenly understood where Dean was going with this. Cas must have said yes.

“You two should…” Cas started, but Sam cut him off as he moved to hold one of Cas’s arms.

“Nope. Right now you need us more than we need each other. Come on, you’re exhausted. Personally, I’d recommend Dean, he’s got experience with protective sleeping. But it’s up to you, and we have a much better chance of getting Dean to talk about things once we’ve all had some sleep and breakfast.”

“I’d recommend you share with Sam,” Dean said with a smirk. “He’s like the result of an octopus having sex with a space heater, and besides, he’s bigger.”

Castiel shut his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, he reached for Dean’s hand. “Sam nearly died tonight, and though I know Michael fixed the physical damage, we know that you have a tendency to bad nightmares, Sam. With my exhaustion, I could do nothing to soothe you, but if you’re restless enough to awaken Dean, he can go to you.”

Dean nodded. “Come on, then, let’s get some sleep. I’m gonna need it if we have to chick-flick it up in the morning.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about the title. I am bad at titles. Either I know what I'm calling it from the time I create the Word document, or I end up with something like this.


End file.
